Hail to the Chief on a Flute Made of Beef
•New Bill Clinton Jokes
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Recent Pecker CLINTON JOKES
Here are a few great jokes that landed in my mailbox as of late...savor. Some are nice, some are weird, and a few just plainly naughty :-) A few, like "Monica's Statement" I could never get away with in Geocities! Note: I am bold that these have not come from copyrighted sources. New jokes are at the superlative, the oldest one is at the bottom.
Alert: THESE MAY OFFEND SOME, OK?
Recent Clinton Riddles & More thanQ: What was Clinton's last gift to Monica?
A: Spot remover.Q: What is Clinton's worst nightmare?
A: An intern with braces.Did yous hear Clinton is declaring a new National Bird? Information technology's going to be the spread eagle.
Q: What'due south Bill Clinton's favorite brand of potato chips?
A: LaysQ: What did Clinton say when Paula Jones went public with her story?
A: "At present she decides to open her oral fissure!"Q: What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
A: "Certain, in that location was a guard standing correct outside the door."The most recent reports of the stain on Monica'southward dress accept been released. This whole thing seems to be a vast right-hand conspiracy.
Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his role?
A: "Don't hit your caput on the desk."Hillary is planning to install the latest security device on Beak's zipper. Information technology's called Blo-jack.
*****************
As Air Force 1 prepares to land, the helm makes his customary request over the loudspeaker:"Mr. President, would you delight render the stewardess to the upright position and set to land?"
*****************
A reporter asked Clinton 1 twenty-four hour period. "Was Monica lying?""No," he responded, "She was on her knees."
I don't know who did this drawing, merely if yous would like me to remove information technology, just LMK. Ahhh now, who was it that wrote "Off, unbutton here"?
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight. After the plane was airborne, the flying attendant came around for drink orders.
The President asked for a whiskey & soda, which was brought and placed earlier him. The bellboy then asked the government minister if he would besides similar a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather exist savagely raped past a brazen whore than permit liquor bear on these lips!"
The President so handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a pick. I'll have the same thing he'south having".
Contest Requirements: To use the names Lewinsky and Kaczynski in a composition.
Contestants' Entries:
Entry # 1
There once was a gal named Lewinsky
Who played on a flute similar Stravinsky
'Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef
That stole the front end page from Kaczynski.
Entry # 2
Said Bill Clinton to immature Ms. Lewinsky
Nosotros don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski,
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem of your dress
And wipe that stuff off of your chinsky.
Entry # three
Lewinsky and Clinton accept shown
What Kaczynski must surely have known:
That an intern is improve
Than a bomb in a letter
Given the choice to be diddled.
Entry # 4
There was a immature daughter called Lewinsky,
Who acquired equally much stir as Kaczynski
When on Kenneth Starr's lap
She confided, when trapped,
"Bill Clinton is hung like Nijinsky." *
* Nijinsky is a thoroughbred racehorse not to be confused with the ballet dancer (whoa! ROFL, ever encounter pix of both????).
The Pope, OJ Simpson and Bill Clinton were in a boat when it started to sink.
"Women and children first!" cried the Pope.
"F--m the women." said OJ.
"Retrieve nosotros take enough time?" asked Nib Clinton.
Bill Clinton was visiting an elementary school one solar day to promote one of his educational activity bills. He was talking to a classroom of kids and asked them if they knew what a tragedy is. 1 little boy said "A tragedy would exist if a school double-decker full of kids ran off a road and everybody died." Mr. Clinton responded, "No, that would be an accident." Shocked, the course was silent for a moment when a brilliant young girl stood up and said, "A tragedy would be if all the teachers in the world quit education." Clinton thought for a moment and then said, "No, that would exist a great loss." Finally another boy stood up and said, "A tragedy would exist if the President was in an airplane and it crashed and he died." Clinton smiled and said, "Good job, now that would be a tragedy. Can you explicate to the form why that would be a tragedy?" The little male child responded by saying, "Well, it probably wouldn't be an accident and it certainly wouldn't be a peachy loss."
This ane is kind of tasteless, just:
A human walks into a tee shirt store. In that location are 3 shirts on brandish. The beginning has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk". The second tee shirt has a motion picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk". The third tee shirt has a picture show of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled "Non Milk".
This 1 is sickeningly cute:
One Lord's day morning time Chelsea burst into the living quarters at the White Firm and said, "Dad! Mom! I have some peachy news for you! I am getting married to the greatest hunk in Washington. He lives in Georgetown and his name is Matt."Afterwards dinner, the President took Chelsea aside. "Honey, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I take been married a long fourth dimension. She'south a wonderful married woman but she's never offered much excitement in the sleeping room, then I used to fool around with women a lot. Matt is actually your one-half-brother, and I'grand afraid you tin't marry him." Chelsea was center-broken.
Afterwards eight months she eventually started dating again. A year later she came home and very proudly announced, "Robert asked me to marry him! We're getting married in June." Again her father insisted on another individual chat and broke the pitiful news.
"Robert is your half-brother too, honey. I'm awfully sad most this." Chelsea was furious!
She finally decided to become to her mother with the news. "Dad has washed so much harm. I approximate I'1000 never going to become married," she complained. "Every time I autumn in love, Dad tells me the guy is my half-brother."
Hillary just shook her caput. "Don't pay any attention to what he says, dear. He'due south not really your male parent."
President Clinton'due south Deposition
by Dr. SeussStarr-I-Are.
I'm here to ask,
Every bit yous'll shortly see...
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
Did you lot grope her
In your firm?
Did y'all grope
Beneath her blouse?I did not practise that
Here or there...
I did not do that
Anywhere!
I did not do that
Near or far...
I did not do that
Starr-you-are!Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell
The girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?I practice not like y'all
Starr-y'all-are...
I think that you lot
Have gone as well far!
I will not answer
Any more than...
Perhaps I will become
Start a war!
The public's easy
To distract
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!
Monica'due south Statement is a neat!
Fresh off of the Associated Press Wire.....AP - Monica Lewinsky, in a statement released today, countered President Clinton's firm deprival:
"I have had enough. This whole feel has left a bitter sense of taste in my mouth, and I can't stomach whatsoever more than. I feel as if I am getting the shaft, that this ugly affair has come up to a head and blown upwards in my face.
"This may exist a load to handle, but when things are hard, that is when I am at my all-time. I take faced difficult things in the by, and I know what is coming. I will encounter this challenge the just way I know how: head on.
"I take licked bigger things than this before, and I volition over again. No one will ever exist able to say that Monica Lewinsky isn't a finisher, that she quit before the job was done. I will piece of work non-stop and fight this, accident by accident, until I am wiped make clean of this dingy affair. I will non exist stained past information technology.
"Thanks."
Monica Lewinsky
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